"You can't always get what you want...

...but if you try sometimes, you might find,
you get what you need"

This picture, along with my friends and family, has gotten me through the past few weeks.

Rough doesn’t even begin to describe it.

Three of my great friends (including my cousin, Joseph) drove 20 hours, round trip, to spend 30 hours with me.

Are they insane? Of course.

Are they amazing? Yes. Without a single doubt.

Their trip meant more to me than they will ever know. Having them here with me, having a piece of home in solid, human form was just what I needed to lift my spirits. Having people to talk to, in person, who know my past--who know me--was perfect.

I’ve been trying to deal with a lot of stuff mostly on my own, and I’m not ashamed to say that I just can’t handle it anymore.

It seems that certain things that I thought I had conquered in Budapest, and so hoped and prayed that they would stay that way, have come back to bite me in the butt…or leg…or arm…or foot…you choose.

But that’s ok. Because I’m ok.

Seeing this picture, remembering how incredibly happy I was: it gives me hope.

Budapest was thousands of miles away from home. It was flooded with fantastic people who became a part of my family. It was dripping with beautiful, wonderful mathematics. It was overflowing with optimism and thoughts of what my future might be. I’m realizing that traveling those thousands of miles back home shouldn’t change all of those things.

Because I’m Lydia. And that means something.

I still have fantastic people in my life. In fact, not only do I have my family and friends from before Budapest, but now I have people spread throughout the country; people who I will love for the rest of my life.

My life is still dripping with beautiful, wonderful mathematics.

And my heart wants, so badly, to be overflowing with optimism and thoughts of my future.

Self-pity is not attractive, and neither is being depressed all the time: at least it doesn’t look good (or feel good) on me.

So I’ve been praying for peace. I’ve been running longer and harder. I’ve been talking to friends and family. I’ve been dancing alone in my room and with friends on tables. And I’m becoming happy again…day by day.


Hey, you know, some things just take time. Time for wounds to heal; time for forgiving yourself to sink in; time for life to make sense; and time for you to realize just how incredibly lucky you are to take a breath every morning.


And no one ever said that there had to be a time limit…