Change.

When I close my eyes and let my mind wander, there is one particular memory that keeps creeping into my thoughts. The reoccurring favorite for my busy brain is my sister's college graduation. There is nothing too special about it for me; it's not like the day was too exciting, or I haven't had really amazing experiences and great days since then. There's just something about it; something that wants to be remembered.

I think back to my outfit; I think back to my attitude; I think back to my hair. I just cannot believe that it's been over six years. Six.

I thought I knew everything. Now I know that I know nothing. I was so concerned with how my peers and the rest of the world viewed me. Now I couldn't care less: only focusing on being myself and being happy. I was rude and unappreciative. Now, I strive to live my life with kindness, and I try to thank God every day for the blessings I have been given.

It's been over a month since my last blog post, but I cannot distinguish the past 40 days. My life is running at a speed that would leave most people in the dust. School, work, field hockey, family, life. They're all going so well, and they're all going strong. I wouldn't change the way my life is going right now. At all. Ever.

But I know that it's going to. In fact, I can already see it changing. Field hockey is coming to an end quicker than I want it to. Even if we win the national championship (that would be totally awesome, right?!), it will be over by Thanksgiving. Grad school fellowship applications are due by November 18th. Grad school applications are due by December 1st. The first semester of senior year is over the second week of December. Life is moving just as fast as the past six years were, and it's not going to be going any slower any time soon.

Six years ago, I was a naive, self-conscious girl who really had no idea what was going on. I'm not saying that I know what's going on now (see above about how I really know nothing), it's just that now I know to appreciate what's going on. I drink it all in, and I realize how fast it's going. I hold on to every moment and every memory and I recognize that these moments, and these memories, are what's making me me.

Last Sunday was our Field Hockey Senior Game. It was the funnest game we have played all year, and the reception afterward was beautiful and incredibly thoughtful. Both of the coaches got up and gave little speeches about each of the three seniors. Our assistant coach, Huntsy, stood up and said, "When I think of Lydia, I think of courage and strength."

Can you believe it?

When I look back at myself at my sister's college graduation, I don't think a single soul, including myself, would have used those two words to describe me. But here we are, six years later, and a lot of things have changed. A lot.

I've been in love, and I've had my heart broken. I've failed, and I've picked myself back up. I've gone on an adventure half way around the world, and I made life-long friends with people scattered throughout the country. I jumped out of a plane, and I stood on top of the rocks at Meteora. I decided to play field hockey again after 4 years, and I became St. Mary's College of Maryland's Varsity Field Hockey starting goalie.

Life is full of rough times. It's full of sadness, heartache, loss, and all those things that make you cry and wonder what's the point of anything. But it's the absolutely, completely wonderful times that make it all, everything, completely worth it. It's the feeling I get when my team wins in overtime and the whole team rushes on the field. It's the warmth my heart feels when the two little girls I used to babysit run up and tackle me when they see me in the gym. It's the tears that come from being happy, and knowing that these moments, and this happiness, hasn't been an easy fight to win.


So bring on the change, bring on the struggles, and bring on the curve balls. I've got a support system that most people would kill for, and a heart that will fight for anything.